The holidays are a time many people associate with warmth, closeness, and tradition. Colorful lights and advertisements everywhere scream festive spirit… During times of mourning, this time can be especially difficult – against this backdrop, the feeling of loss, emptiness, and longing becomes more apparent. An empty seat at the table isn't a symbol, but a real experience. Memories can come flooding back: in the smell of food, the sound of carols, rituals, and gestures that once belonged to the person who is no longer with us. It's completely natural to feel tension, sadness, helplessness, anger, or a reluctance to celebrate during this time.
That's why it's so important to allow yourself to experience this time as you need it, without pressure. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step to self-care. When you allow yourself to acknowledge that things are difficult, you create a little more space inside for relief.
It's worth considering talking to loved ones. Those around you often don't know how to react – some are afraid to mention the deceased, others bring them up in every conversation. In this confusion of intentions, it's good to express your needs directly. You might say you need a slower pace, a shorter visit, the ability to go to another room for a moment. Expressing your needs isn't a burden to your loved ones, but rather a guide. It gives others the opportunity to be there for you in a truly supportive way.
During the holiday season, many grieving people wonder whether to introduce some gesture of remembrance: lighting a candle, recalling a story, or eating the deceased's favorite food. A kind of ritual of remembrance. For some, this is soothing, helping them feel connected and organize their emotions. For others, it's too difficult. Any decision is fine. Rituals are only meaningful when they bring comfort, not when they become a burden.
Mourning affects not only the emotions, but also the body: increased tension, fatigue, sleep problems, and decreased resistance to stimuli. The hustle and bustle of the holidays can intensify all of this. Therefore, it's worth taking care of yourself.time to breathe and "thaw"” – short moments that allow you to return to yourself. It could be a walk, a few deep breaths, a moment of solitude in a quiet place, a moment of silence with a cup of warm tea. These are not „escapes from loved ones,” but a healthy way to regulate emotional overload.
Simplifying your holiday traditions can also be helpful. You don't have to prepare everything, meet everyone, or go at full speed. You can limit your responsibilities, reduce the number of people in attendance, shorten family gatherings, or choose a completely different way to spend this time. This isn't about abandoning traditions—it's about choosing what feels most supportive to you this year. Share it. Share what you need. If you feel you need support, you can also benefit from consulting a psychologist.
The most important thing is to treat yourself with as much kindness as possible during this time. You don't have to shoulder everything or meet the expectations of others. You have the right to experience the holidays in your own way – more peacefully, more quietly, with a need for closeness or solitude. Either way is fine.
Grief doesn't disappear just because the holidays are approaching. But it's possible to navigate this time without intensifying the pain and by making room for momentary relief. Sometimes this relief comes in conversation, sometimes in someone's presence, sometimes in a few minutes of peace.
You don't have to be strong. Be kind to yourself. The holidays will pass, even the difficult ones. And you have the right to experience them however you feel most protected and supported this year.
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Author: Katarzyna Binkiewicz, M.A.
